The Ninth Strange Day

The More I Think About It

May 4, 2007

The more I think about it, the better the idea sounds.

I’m talking about combining politics and American Idol.

No, wait! Hear me out. This is a plan that could work. Performance competition is really popular. Millions of people watch American Idol. Lots of places have their own version of it. There’s Dancing with the Stars, Skating with the Stars, shows that choose the cast for musicals, model competitions, hair competitions, home designer competitions, clothing designer competitions… why not combine all of this and turn it into the biggest, most spectacular political arena?

Need to choose a president? Give each candidate three months to stage, cast (using only staff members/coworkers/whatever you have in your current position), rehearse, build a set, get costumes, and perform a musical number. Just one! I mean, let’s be fair. These people all have other jobs to do, so a whole musical is really asking a bit much.

They would then do the production live (with a live orchestra, to greatly reduce the possibility of lip synching), televised to whatever region is affected by the outcome (That way people in Georgia wouldn’t have to see the Governor’s race from Montana, etc. Canada would probably still have to suffer through anything from a border location, and anything on the National level).

There would be a panel of judges who would provide input at the end of each performance, and recap their thoughts at the end of all of the contestants. The viewing audience would then be given 72 hours to phone in their votes.

There would have to be a few rules in place, naturally.

• No ringers. No going out and putting a professional singer or dancer or or theatrical director or choreographer or anyone like that on your staff.
• The person actually running for office doesn’t have to be the lead but should at the very least be in the chorus. No hiding in the back and being “only” the director.
• Special effects are a bonus.

Voting would require a special code number. Do voter registration cards have an ID number? Anyhow, it’d work like this…

1. You call the toll-free number for the candidate you choose.
2. You’re prompted to enter your ID number. The system checks against the database, ensures that it’s a valid number and has not already been used to vote, and thanks you for your time. You’d be given three attempts to enter your ID number. If you get it wrong three times in a row the system will disconnect you.
3. That’s it! You’ve done your civic duty and gotten a little show out of it.

There’s a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that’d have to be considered for tabulating the votes, of course. Maybe something could be put in place that sets off a warning if too many calls come from the same number.

There’s probably other things that should be considered before putting this plan into action, but it’s only 8:30 and I haven’t had coffee, so I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. No system is without its flaws. Especially at the start. Given a little time, enough funding for research, and … coffee, actually… we’ll probably be able to write up a workable plan in time for the 2008 elections.

Tune in next week to hear my “Steel Cage Matches Should Decide Wars” proposal.