So I have a dog. My dog, like most dogs, likes to eat cat food. He also (like most dogs) likes to eat cat poo. Because of this, there’s a gate between the dining room and the kitchen. The cats can get between the bars (or jump the gate) so they can get to their food and litter as they need to.

Because the kitchen is blocked off, this means the back door (and the back yard) are accessible to the dog only when we decide he needs to go out. He’s got scheduled bathroom breaks in addition to regular walks because we really don’t want him getting into the cat food (and really not the cat poo).

Occasionally there will be a potty emergency, and the dog usually lets us know that he has to go out by running between the front door and the dining room gate. It used to be that sometimes he would just run to the gate and whimper. This would trick us into thinking that he had to go out right now and once inside the kitchen he would go for the cat food (or litter box) instead. Once we would get him outside he would just stand there in the middle of the yard and looks defeated. We don’t fall for that one quite as often any more.

We don’t fall for that quite as often, so the dog has stepped up his game.

Last night, neither cat ate very much. Cardiff had spent the day at doggie daycare so he was hungrier than usual (playing for 8 hours does that to a guy). He really wanted to get to the cat food. The old “I have to pee” trick failed.

So my dog — my wonderful, smart, evil dog — scooted^* across the living room rug and then went to the gate and whimpered. “Oh shit,” I thought. “This time he really does have to go outside.”

No. No he didn’t. He tried desperately to get cat food on the way through the kitchen to the yard. He stood in the yard for ten minutes (in the rain, with me shouting “poop already!” at him) looking pissed off that it didn’t work. He tried again for the cat food when I brought him back in.

Part of me is looking forward to what trick he tries next time.

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^* It really was a trick, and he wasn’t actually scooting for legitimate reasons, because as soon as I brought him back in he didn’t do it again. If there were actually something wrong with him, he’d still be doing it.